Comfortable Discomfort

Three months ago, I was abruptly awoken from my well-established state of "comfortable discomfort".  In an instant, my world throbbed of intense disappointment and pain.  In a moment, all my years of Christian-prepping was about to be put to the test. 

I describe comfortable discomfort as living in, or rather, clinging to what's comfortable and constant, while somewhat knowing deep in your heart that you are not living up to your God-given desires and potential, mainly because of fear.  Fear of change.  Fear of hardship.  Fear of rocking the boat.  Fear of losing.  Lots of fear.  It's an unsettling settling of your circumstances.

Why did this happen?  How did I get so comfortable in my misery?  How did I mistake it for contentment?  How did I become so fearful?  I can't begin to explain why it happened.  I still don't understand it and, truth be told, analyzing it right now would only rehash the pain.  However, I do believe there were many factors involved and that it was a slow process, a long time in the making.  It didn't happen overnight; the cocktail of damaging occurrences and the vast collection of wrong-thinking.  I just didn't fully understand my identity in Christ.  Somehow I, like many, believed the lie that I wasn't enough, not strong enough, maybe not smart enough.  I feared to lose what was so very precious in my sight, even though I had more than an inkling it wasn't reciprocal.  I just didn't want to admit it.  In my mind, admitting it was bringing it to life.  I was comfortable and afraid; comfortably uncomfortable.

It's actually very interesting because when you finally get your very rude wake-up call and realize and admit you've been living subpar and in unrequited love, the world around you says they're not surprised.  The signs were there.  How sad!  The signs were there, visible for all to see.  I chose to sweep them under the rug and on numerous occasions defend them.

Listen to me!  After many tears (sometimes wailing) and a ton of intense emotional pain (the kind of pain that extends to physical pain deep down in your gut), I have found out that I am a strong, intelligent, beautiful, Godly woman.  I don't need a man or anyone else to tell me that.  I know who I am and I know I am loved.  It's palpable.  I am enough because He is enough.  It's good to feel the love of others.  God wants us to love each other, but even if there wasn't another soul out there to express love to me, God's grace would be sufficient.  It sustains me.

I am grateful for the many prayers, hugs, well wishes, lunch and dinner dates, and kinds words, and other gestures I've received in the last few months.  You all have strengthened and encouraged me in a myriad of ways. You will never know.  In my moments of distress, I received perfectly-timed phone calls, texts, invitations and visits that I can only explain as coming from God himself.  You know who you are: my kids, my family, my friends, my church family. Some of you were just acquaintances or strangers, and now, I consider you confidants.  You all were not kidding about your rule of "no one stands alone".  You have blessed me a hundred fold.  May I, in some way, be able to reciprocate your kindness.  I hope to be a vessel of encouragement to others crossing that same sea of disappointment and pain.  God, use this for your glory.

So to sum up the point of this writing: KNOW WHO YOU ARE.  Understand you are enough.  Don't settle.  Don't let others dictate your worth.  Don't allow anyone or anything to be your god, not even your spouse or children.  Only God is and can be God.  Be teachable.  Listen to sound advice.  Open up (to the right people) and seek counsel.  Surround yourself with people who really love you.  Be intentional in your growth.  Stretch.  Read God's word.  Pray unceasingly.  You are designed for more.  Win in life.  BE FEARLESS!  

Embracing change is not easy but it's so worth it.  In the end, we know that what the enemy meant for evil, God is using for good (Gen. 50:20). 

God bless you!

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